Saturday, January 25, 2014

Good intentions

Three years.

Ok, so I haven't posted anything in three years.

The good news is we have not died or anything.  In fact, it's been a really good, really busy three  years.

The big things that happened?  Max was born in 2011.  Henry was born in 2013.  Rachel's photography business (Pure) has been going great and so has the action/preset business Pure Actions.  Life is good and life is busy.  

So much of the good in our lives are those little moments.  Like the time that Ella told me she wanted to be a scientist.  Not an evil one, she assured me.  Though maybe a mad one.  Or finding Doctor Who and the whole family becoming Whovians with the speed of a cold passing among a Kindergarten class.  Or watching the budding friendship growing between Max and Henry.  (That last one is going to be the source of many blog posts about their adventures as they grow, I expect.)

I want to chronicle it all again.  Sure, I post it on Facebook and I love that I can share it with family and friends immediately, but I just feel the need to make it more complete.  So, hello again blog.

There have been times during the years when it would have been a relief to write out my thoughts and sort them a bit.  When Henry was born April 30th of last year, he was 5 weeks early and landed in the NICU for 3 weeks.  It was a weird, crazy, scary, lonely, intense, and hopeful time.  Organizing my thoughts through the situation might have been very helpful.  Or probably, I would have neglected the blog completely.  Right?  Oh well, there would have been an epic picture round-up post at the end of it all.

Oh and the time when all my worry over Max's slow acquisition of words came to a head and I called Early Intervention?  I had worked myself into an absolute frenzy over his lack of words.  Having two sons with autism will do that to you.  But yet, in my heart, I knew it was something else.  The signs were not there for autism.  It was an interesting learning experience about myself.  I learned that not only do I have PTSD a little when I suspect something is not perfect, developmentally, I also am pretty good at knowing what autism IS now, which was such a hard thing back with Michael and McKay.  I had so much uncertainty and didn't know what I was even looking for.  Oh, how much I have learned.  But once I finally looked into that corner of my brain, the one where all of the worries and fears are stored and where I try to avoid looking too much, and faced the fact I knew that Max's speech was delayed, I also found that I also had the capacity to help him.  God had given me the gift of experience and while I worked so hard to learn how to coax speech from Michael and McKay, I found that now it came naturally.  I want to remember these moments of triumph, because lots of times I need to look back on them to keep moving forward when new challenges come and I have to learn on the fly and grow so much it hurts.  It's good to see what comes from all of that effort and discomfort.

I also want a record of the amazing moments.  Like when McKay went to his first school dance and a sweet girl came up to him and asked him to dance.  His absolute joy at participating so fully in his school event lightened my heart for weeks.  

So, that's my goal this year.  I want to remember our lives.  

Hello again.

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