What to do?

Overall, life is pretty good. The kids are healthy. They are smart. The house is usually tidy. Darwin is gainfully employed. I can't complain too much. But there have been a few things weighing on me lately.

The biggest is McKay. His running has been a little bit slowed down by the double-cylinder lock on the front door. But not a LOT. You'd think that would be the end of the story, really. But first he started trying to climb the trees in the back. The poplars are not really climbing trees and can be dangerous since the limbs can get thin quickly, so we had to saw off the limbs that he could reach so he would not get hurt. (He once got up 20 feet and a neighbor came and helped me get him down while I was about a week from delivering Ella, not so fun.)

Well, then he took it to the fence. He only needs a little something to step on to get him high enough to get over the fence. It is kind of tiring. And then I read stories like this http://adventuresinautism.blogspot.com/2008/05/ashley-brock-2002-2008.html, and I feel very scared. But then, as Darwin has pointed out, no one wants to grow up locked up. Where is the middle ground?

He's just having a hard time lately. Last Friday, I read his note home from his teacher (they send them each day) and he pulled the fire alarm at school. (I don't think he knew what it did. But still...) He is looking for something different, but isn't at the level for it to work right. He wants to go outside and play with the neighbors. But instead he runs across the street without looking, he darts in the house without knocking, and he leaves but doesn't always come right home. So, that limits his freedom. He can't just "run out and play." But he wants to. He wants the freedoms that most 7 year olds have. We're trying to set up playdates for him. Little 30 minute things where we help him do the socially-appropriate thing. Cross the street and look, knock on the door, ask to play, come back home. It is working ok. We're trying to take him on walks with us where we practice staying together, so he can walk along with us in the store and not ride in the cart. I think these little things would really address some of his desire for independance...but it is just hard. And I am complaining for me and my frusterations.

But really, it has to be hard for him. In his mind, he knows what he wants and just doesn't get why he can't leave school and walk home in the middle of the day or why he can't just leave the house (via the fence) and go to the library alone. There has to be a happy medium somewhere. I just need to find it.

And then on the heels of this, I was worried because Ella is 2.5 months and only smiled rarely. I know kids have their own timetables for development (and I think all of the other kids, besides Garrett, smiled around 2.5-3 months), but really, this was one that worried me. But then, this morning she has given me much more liberal gummy smiles. Maybe this is in response to my many pleading prayers on this subject. I feel in my heart that she is ok, but it is not a bad thing for my nerves to have confirmations that things are going according to the norm.

Usually, I feel like I can handle whatever God feels I need. But, really, with how hard it has been over the last 9 months or so with McKay (although he is also one of my greatest sources of joy and amazement) I have been feel very fragile in regards to the potential of another child with special needs. So, Ella's little smiles this morning did a lot for my heart. Obviously, I will probably worry until she starts really speaking spontaneously, but the little assurances are really nice.

But, even if there was an issue, we felt so strongly and KNEW that Ella was supposed to be in our family. So, no matter what, we can handle things.

If only they made 12 foot fences...